Hunger Pains.

i woke up one morning with the thought gnawing at my mind, pulling at my heart strings..

i had spent many nights running my fingers through His Locs--sniffing and twisting, lusting and gushing about them to Him. i needed my own, finally.

I've always been too afraid to experiment with my hair very much, fearful that i might do something so wrong my hair would never be the same. having heard countless horror stories of regret and sworn promises of what my peers would "never do again" i admit, i was timid about any drastic decision dealing with my mane, but through boredom and wanting change, i arrived... (:

Before doing my research and having a boyfriend with Locs, i had been living a very misinformed life. i had a very limited if not most ignorant education of this beautiful representation of life, culture, and spiritual growth. i had focused my attention plenty of times on the beautiful brown sisters i would see with the intricate and unique hairstyles that seemed to adorn their crowns, wondering... what would i look like with hair like that? could i really cut my hair and not be afraid? what would people say?

growing up i had always been admired and complimented for having "beautiful hair" "pretty hair" "good hair" hair that "i would kill for" and "pay top dollar for", being mixed, with light features only added to a perception of beauty that i seemed to be lucky to fit into.

i early on learned that like money, beauty was yet another root of Evil. that people although all so different, unique and special in their own way, picked and chose what was beautiful based off unrealistic images of what beauty is. i was talked about on numerous occasions for the few times i did experiment with my hair; the occasional bob when i called myself rocking "short hair" and the inches i would cut calling it a "trim", and i was always happiest when the crowd seemed to dislike it (: i guess one day i should thank my family for always being the outspoken, opinionated, overbearing people they can be, i could have possibly really damaged my hair by dyeing, cutting, and experimenting early on, and so often, like i wanted to.

looking back on it, there were always signs that Locs were where i would end up...

I failed at braids. i was too anal for the time consuming designs i wanted in my long hair and scarves never seemed to stay on to maintain the look. it was starting to become a waste of money and a boring hassle.

Short hair didn't provide enough versatility with my head shape..in my opinion (:

i attempted popular cuts and considered coloring and low lights to spruce things up, but the furthest i went was a couple boxes of Clairol and a dark red that could only be seen in the sunlight. interesting enough, the thought of growing my hair out for Locs always made more sense, even then, than just waiting and waiting for my hair to grow back in order to re cut it again.

My naturally curly/wavy hair has always been fairly long and thick allowing me the ability to make the cuts i felt were needed and pull off a lot of different hairstyles, but was always boring to me. i flat ironed and curled, twisted and braided, wore clips and cute buns, gelled down and moussed up, until finally giving in and wearing it loose, all over my head. a small spray bottle and an army of hair products depending on the various variations of curls i wanted, this was what it had come to..

and then, i started dating my boyfriend.

When we started talking he had baby Locs and never having dated a guy with Locs or braids or anything other than a fade or taper, my interest was immediately peaked. watching him closely over time, as they grew, as we both twisted, as He spoke and educated me on Loc upkeep and the interesting triumphs and trials that only Loc wearers would understand, by time we had developed into a couple, my inspiration had went from budding to fully blossomed.

numerous nights, a mixture of purple and kush smoke lead me to the Internet and YouTube site to watch and read up on Locs and various other subjects of interest for hours, arriving at the realization that this might just be for me--Locs were a identifiable link to my life and my hair woes.

deciding to start Locs was a process within itself..

i studied different head shapes, hair types, free formed Locs and Sister Locs, i witnessed extensions and such well manicured Locs i could only remain in awe. i watched videos, spoke to strangers, read Loc Journey's, investigated different Locing products when in hair stores, and the more i learned and experienced for myself, the more certain i became. i started looking at myself more in the mirror, not admiring my face, but my hair and head.. feeling, pulling, rolling, twisting, and pinning it "here and there" to get a feel for the transition. although, i never envisioned my hair looking the way it looks Now *big smile* i wasn't far off.

i think when you read those online sites and they have tips on What You Need For Locs.. they need to include self assurance on their list. you need confidence to wear your hair like a mop for weeks on end (: , patience to let your hair do its Own thing, but self assurance that you want to make this commitment to Your Hair and YourSelf. i was met with great resistance when i first broke the news that i was considering locing my hair. everyone had something NEGATIVE to say and were very open about what i should and shouldn't do. at times i would call my boyfriend sad and emotional because of what people were saying, but it never dismayed me enough to reconsider my decision. in fact, it was another form of motivation and a subtle affirmation that i needed to do this for MYSELF. i had to let go and stop carrying around the opinions of others and make a decision.

i washed my hair REALLY good for the first and last time with complete control over every hair fiber in my hands, with Mane and Tail shampoo, used NO conditioner, pat dried, and made one of the happiest decisions of my life: i brushed all of my hair to the top of my head, gathering all of my wet tresses and twisted it into a long spiral, held by a hair tie at the base, i took a new pair of hair scissors and snipped the ponytail--bye-bye! (: no looking back and no second thought about the length i cut off, i sat down, and with the help and time of my older sister who parted for, and twisted and palm rolled with, me for a total of 3-4 hours, 42 Locs were born (:

they are beautiful.

they are perfect, already.

they are everything i knew i wanted.

I'm only two days in, but IF you are considering Locs i can honestly say that for me and for many people who decide they want Locs, its a feeling. if every time you see someone with Locs or your ears perk up anytime they are mentioned, your attraction has grown from fascination and interest to an obsession and a pressing thought, if you can visualize yourself with them, see them collectively.. what are you waiting for? (: it's just hair, it WILL grow back. we make mistakes everyday, obvious, noticeable, public mistakes, and most of them we regret, but half of them are fixable and ultimately are blessings in disguise..

the odds are in you and your Locs favor (: